Action stations! We're in meltdown ...

... but would you recognise one & how would you respond?

A meltdown can be 

a common occurrence for autistics 

& the word quickly becomes an accepted part of the autistic community's language.  

Boom Comic Graphic via Pinterest via 4cp.posthaven.com

Although meltdowns are not exclusive to autistics, the autistic condition & a lack of understanding or accommodation of autism combine to create circumstances that can more frequently trigger them or, even more frequently, fail to recognise & respond appropriately to them. 

But first to distinguish meltdowns from temper tantrums.  
They're NOT the same but they're often confused.  This is a huge issue for autistics & there are many illustrations already in circulation which do a very good job of defining & comparing the two.   

I've replicated one here:  

Tantrum or Meltdown? An Affinity With A

But this post can't end here because this explanation alone implies meltdowns take one form only ... one that equates to unacceptable or bad behaviour (& anyone who's read my article "Autism does not equal bad behaviour" will know my opinion on that).  

No!

Meltdowns can take many forms but 
because of the myth that "autism does equal bad behaviour" they may not always be recognised for what they are.

Why does it matter?

Because how a meltdown ~ or approaching meltdown ~ is responded to by those around them can be the difference between a quick recovery or escalation into somewhere potentially very harmful; the difference between being pulled back from the edge or being pushed over the edge into the abyss. 

Crash Comic Graphic via Pinterest via robertmars.blogspot.com

Reflecting on recent, less obvious or "atypical" meltdowns within our own #autismrich family ~ realising they could very easily have been missed or even dismissed as something less significant ~ has prompted me to capture what a meltdown might be:

Yes, it might be screaming.
It might be shouting.

It might be harming something or someone.

But also, it might be door slamming.

It might be self-injurous (there are many forms).

It might involve withdrawing or hiding away.

It might be curling up tight.
It might be rocking.
It might be physical illness.

It might be running away.

It might be freezing, panic stricken.

It might be losing the ability to speak (even for the usually articulate).
It might be losing the ability to speak coherently.

It might be crying.

It might be in public.

It might be in private.

Whatever & wherever it might be, it IS a release of emotions that have become so overwhelming ~ for whatever reason, or set of reasons ~ that it's impossible to contain them, remain in control or act "normally" any longer. 

Something has had to give for those emotions to be released; for equilibrium & calm to be restored ~ eventually.

  

The jug is overflowing.

 The dam is bursting.

 The volcano is erupting.

 The Creepers are creeping (a Minecraft reference!).

Or, to extend Ellen Notbohm's explanation of autism as being like 
"a Mac in a PC world", an autistic meltdown is 
like the spinning colour wheel of death.

All are accurate analogies.

But irrespective of how a meltdown may manifest, the feelings & cause(s) are as valid, the ability to cope & carry on as compromised & the need for help & understanding as great.

Our own meltdowns may take any of the forms above.   
And some of the more "acceptable" meltdown behaviours may actually help us to prevent, or calm us after, a more "unacceptable" meltdown behaviour.  So shutting down may prevent melting down ... & is certainly part of our recovery post meltdown!  But whatever the form, the function they perform is the same.

So, for these reasons, I'm writing this post & I'm asking: when you hear someone from our community talking about a meltdown, please know they're not talking about a temper tantrum (although, as fellow humans, we can experience those too!) & they're not necessarily talking about unacceptable or bad behaviour, or even behaviour that was visible to ~ or had any adverse impact on ~ anyone or anything else.  

In fact the meltdown may have been harmful (physically &/or mentally) only to the person experiencing it & experienced by them alone, but how a meltdown is responded to is vital to better recovery.

So...

Help Comic Graphic via Pinterest via psicosaludtenerife.com

How can you help & how can we help ourselves?

Understand what the triggers ~ or causes ~ might be: eg sensory overload, information overload, not being listened to or heard or being ignored, being taken advantage of or treated unfairly, being embarrassed, being criticised, being teased & deliberately provoked, being rejected, excluded or isolated, loss, being dumped or cheated on (megga meltdown mayhem!), too many demands, lowered tolerance levels due to heightened anxieties, illness, tiredness or hunger; coping too long with ~ or frequently suffering, or dwelling on past experiences of ~ any of the aforementioned without an opportunity to calm or de-stress or recover.

Recognise that the autistic jug starts more full than the neuro-typical jug so there's less capacity for additional input because our brains are registering & retaining more already.

Recognise the early warning signs & try to avoid escalation to meltdown, maybe by removing that person from the situation, changing the environment or distraction, or allowing space & time for a calming activity, for example.

If meltdown is unavoidable, safety first (for everyone ~ the "meltee" & those around).

Make space for calming &, if possible, offer or direct toward calming solutions (ideally non-verbally) but know a rational response might not be possible so 
be patient & allow time for the meltdown to pass. 
Because it will.

A good time to return to the "Mac in a PC world" analogy: when that spinning colour wheel of death appears you know you have to wait ... you know the wheel will either sort itself out in it's own good time & in it's own methodical way & you know, if it doesn't, there is no other option but to shut down then restart the device (& you can't rush that either).  And even though it's our first instinctive response, you know it won't help to plead with, complain or shout at your device.  You know it won't help to jab every key on the keyboard & click every clickable option on your frozen screen.  You know every key stroke & mouse click your device ignores now will be stored, ready to reek havoc should the spinning wheel of death pass without the need for shut down.  
Yet we still do it!
Don't.  
It doesn't help ~ it makes things worse.

Demonstrate understanding & a desire to help, not blame.  But no solutions to the perceived cause(s) ... we're not in a state to process at this time & we could interpret as criticisms & feel like we're not being listened to.  
Analysis & solutions can come later, but first ...

Post meltdown, we can feel low & shameful about losing control so we benefit from more than the average amount of reassurance, being reminded about & celebrating achievements & strengths.

Consider what could be done differently or avoided next time.

Accept that autistic meltdowns are inevitable in much of the current environment in which we live BUT accept also that the risk of meltdowns can be reduced by: learning to identify & avoid triggers, recognising the early warning signs of an impending meltdown situation & intervening to prevent escalation & developing personalised coping strategies to manage acceptably.

At the same time, let's work together to make our shared environment more accommodating for all.

Above all, be more kind.

For me, sometimes, I still talk too much, say too much, offer solutions (directly & indirectly) in desperate attempts to provide hope.  Even though I know I shouldn't, sometimes I just can't help myself.  Maybe it's a symptom of me nearing my own melting point!  But all it does is make matters worse ... make the "meltee" feel undermined, not listened to, not heard, challenged, criticised, wrong.  I know because they tell me!  So, even though I know what I should do ... & mostly do ... I also know how tough it is to do the right thing.  So I write this not only to help others but to help me too, to remind myself.

I know I help best when I'm simply there ... listening, believing, loving ... & always from the other side of a closed door (they don't want me adding to the shame) ... so I always give them safe space alone ... talking comes later ... hours later if necessary, on their terms in their time.  That's the time for reassurances & solutions if solutions are needed & wanted.  We move on.

If I help appropriately in the moment, I build trust to help constructively after the moment (irrespective of what they might have said about me back in the moment).  

And remember, if you do witness a meltdown (as opposed to a tantrum):

"My child is not giving me a hard time.  

My child is having a hard time."

Unknown 

Or, to adjust for my own perspective:

"I'm not giving you a hard time.

I'm having a hard time."

Me

And this is particularly pertinent as we approach Advent & Christmas as I realise this is the time of year when my own capacity is often reached & often breached.  I can reflect back on real illnesses & the need to withdraw or "shut down" leading up to Christmas, especially in the latter half of life as the demands of work & a family became greater than the demands of my single days when I only had myself to organise.  It's ironic & frustrating as it's a time of year I love but, I realise now, the additional demands & changes to routines take their toll & what may have been naturally occurring recovery times are filled with additional things to do & think about, & seemingly never ending demands from others.  Already the water is trickling from my own dam, the magma is moving underfoot, seeking out the cracks, & the Creepers are waking, ready to creep!

Would you ~ did you ~ recognise it?

In our Autistic Life we Ride Tsunamis | An Affinity With A