I was having another one of those conversations with myself (on this occasion in my head, rather than out loud). I think it started with me pondering the surprise some people show on hearing of my, or others', autism diagnosis.
It ended up with me needing to get this down.
(For important caveat, see end of post!)
It ended up with me needing to get this down.
(For important caveat, see end of post!)
I think the surprise comes when the person said to be autistic doesn't fit the autistic stereotype.
But what's driving the stereotype?
It made me think that, to the unknowing eye, autism is often only visible (to the point of being discussed) when behaviours arising from autism
disrupt other people's day to day.
In other words, many people's first known experience of autism is likely to be as an explanation for disruptive, adverse or bad behaviour (because that's what draws their attention to the person & then the condition).
Ergo, autism must equal bad behaviour.
And if you're not bad, you can't be autistic.
But autism does not equal bad behaviour.
Nowhere in the diagnostic criteria for autism is a requisite feature "bad behaviour". And, to my knowledge, no-one has been refused a diagnosis due to a lack of "bad behaviour"!
Rather, across a range of diagnostic manuals, it is widely recognised that a diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder (or ASD) is reliant on a demonstration of persistent difficulties with:
It made me think that, to the unknowing eye, autism is often only visible (to the point of being discussed) when behaviours arising from autism
disrupt other people's day to day.
In other words, many people's first known experience of autism is likely to be as an explanation for disruptive, adverse or bad behaviour (because that's what draws their attention to the person & then the condition).
Ergo, autism must equal bad behaviour.
And if you're not bad, you can't be autistic.
But autism does not equal bad behaviour.
Nowhere in the diagnostic criteria for autism is a requisite feature "bad behaviour". And, to my knowledge, no-one has been refused a diagnosis due to a lack of "bad behaviour"!
Rather, across a range of diagnostic manuals, it is widely recognised that a diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder (or ASD) is reliant on a demonstration of persistent difficulties with:
~ Reciprocal social interactions,
~ Social communication & of a
~ Restrictive, repetitive repertoire of behaviours, interests & activities (including sensory issues & behaviours)
This triad of "impairments", or differences, combine to explain a range of "different" behaviours that may actually go unnoticed, are less disruptive (if at all) or are simply dismissed as being part of someone’s character ~ like them or not. In fact, desperate to please, to blend in & prone to needing rules ~ and to follow them ~ some autistic people may be the quietest & best behaved people in the room!
So it's important to understand that the behaviours autistic people exhibit (whatever they may be) are merely the outward manifestation of their condition; of coping (or not) with the difficulties they're having with social interactions, social communication, an inability to engage in their repetitive interest or as a result of sensory issues.
And what happens whey they can cope no longer?
So it's important to understand that the behaviours autistic people exhibit (whatever they may be) are merely the outward manifestation of their condition; of coping (or not) with the difficulties they're having with social interactions, social communication, an inability to engage in their repetitive interest or as a result of sensory issues.
And what happens whey they can cope no longer?
Some may withdraw, not speak, freeze with fear.
People may think they're overly shy or nervous, maybe.
People may think they're overly shy or nervous, maybe.
Others may run away, or flee with fear.
People may think they're weak or spoilt or lacking resilience, maybe.
People may think they're weak or spoilt or lacking resilience, maybe.
And others may lash out, or fight with fear.
People may think they're naughty & badly parented, maybe.
People may think they're naughty & badly parented, maybe.
Which scenario is most likely to generate enquiry, discussion, a discovery that person is autistic?
And so the stereotype is further fuelled.
However, all 3 behaviours are a sign that they're in crisis, scared, overwhelmed, in need of help. They're not seeking attention or wilfully being mean or difficult.
"Bad" behaviour is not acceptable, that's true. But to address any "limiting" behaviour appropriately requires an understanding of the cause. And when we say, this is happening because of the autism, we are not using autism as an excuse but as an explanation. Autism describes the condition that may lead to standout or limiting behaviours, sometimes "bad", often not.
And so the stereotype is further fuelled.
However, all 3 behaviours are a sign that they're in crisis, scared, overwhelmed, in need of help. They're not seeking attention or wilfully being mean or difficult.
"Bad" behaviour is not acceptable, that's true. But to address any "limiting" behaviour appropriately requires an understanding of the cause. And when we say, this is happening because of the autism, we are not using autism as an excuse but as an explanation. Autism describes the condition that may lead to standout or limiting behaviours, sometimes "bad", often not.
And whether autism is contributing to the behaviour equation, or not, I would urge everyone to always think about what lies behind, or beneath, the behaviour of others.
They just may need your help.
Me? I was (am) a "good girl" ... but that's another story!
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| Image from Nathan Michael on Instagram via Tumblr & Pinterest |
Finally, a caveat (or get out clause): I may well have interpreted the surprise of others completely wrongly ~ interpreting hidden meanings & facial expressions is part of that whole "social interaction" and "social communication" conundrum us #AlsoAutistic people struggle with ... but I do think my thinking remains valid ... and I do know that sometimes, being super sensitive & observant, I can also be surprisingly astute!
Before she had her diagnosis, I was called in to my daughter's school a couple of times as she was behaving 'badly'. On both occasions, she had been reacting (verbally) to both verbal and physical bullying by kids who found her slightly 'odd' because of her lack of social skills - and being a foreigner didn't help. One day she had holes in her jeans where she had fallen after being deliberately tripped up. The parents of those children were never called in to account for their bad behaviour. Is that because bullying is considered 'normal'? The pressure seems to be on the non-conformist to conform, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteThanks for another thought provoking post x
You're welcome :) ... yes, we've faced the same issue. We were mostly lucky in that the provocation was understood but I agree, the pressure seems to be on the non-conformist to conform when there should be better understanding and accommodation. And I do think that the issue was made worse, in our case, by some parents' inability - or unwillingness - to understand and to recognise their own child's contribution to a situation. Again, down to us to fit in rather than the other way around. Which is the nub of the issue! I offered to speak to parents generally ... school seemed very willing ... it didn't happen and I wondered if it was other parents who resisted ... but, to be honest, I really don't know ... One time, something one of mine was accused of (wrongly) turned out to be the same as another, unrelated ASD child at another school was accused of (again, wrongly) ... by the same family! What's worse: the child who deliberately goads and teases (or worse) or the child who doesn't understand and reacts inappropriately out of fear & desperation or from isolation & exclusion? Well, obviously, we know the answer to that ... but it's heartbreaking knowing many minds seem closed to understanding that concept due to ignorance and because they have judged what they "see" on the surface ...
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