Accessing School Assessments with a Sprinkling of Success

Again, this wasn't the next article I was going to post.

In fact I’ve "authored" in my head at least one article a day, every day for the last few weeks ~ on the way home from the school run ~ but each has been deposited in the “action” tray in my mind.  It's leaving me feeling “disabled” in terms of this blog, due solely to the sheer volume of articles I’m desperate to write, conscious I'm not enabling myself to start ~ finding it "easier" to distract myself with more "urgent" tasks & the never ending family oriented to dos (in other words being an autistic mum in an autism rich family).

Which, ironically, links well to the focus of this article, & shows I have absolute empathy (yes, empathy*) with those of my angel fish facing school assessments after half term & so also the need to revise.

I hope the content resonates & proves helpful to others facing similar situations.

Now, these particular angel fish just about manage with the homework they're set.  It takes effort to pick the moment, approach appropriately, inspire & motivate, but we ~ they ~ get there.  Revision is a whole other ball game.  Unlike homework where they're set tasks, revision can be far too conceptual, random, all encompassing to be easily approached or accessed, especially for the autistic brain.  It’s far too easy to keep putting it off ~ to procrastinate ~ as we ruminate on how, what, where & when ... running the very real risk of avoiding altogether or, at best, leaving to the very last minute.  But the after effects of avoiding altogether are not easily born by us.  We are still perfectionists who hate to get things wrong &, worse still, be told we're wrong!  

My angel fish experienced this pain after a recent set of science assessments (a subject they actually enjoy & show aptitude for) which they approached unprepared.  In contrast, their earlier maths assessments, for which they did prepare, were a relative breeze.

So, whilst painful, this was a lesson effectively learnt with these angel fish acknowledging they’d prefer to feel like they did about their maths assessments rather than how they felt (& still feel) about their science assessments.  In other words, they've properly learnt the value of revision!

Now the coral castle door is open it doesn't mean it's any easier to swim through, especially when there's not just one coral corridor but an array of seemingly never ending coral corridors beckoning these nervous fish.  

Thankfully, for those daring enough to explore, along each corridor there are many nuggets of learning to discover, all thoughtfully & creatively produced by their tutors especially for the task of revision.  Collating all these wonderful materials resulted in a rather full lever arch file for each angel fish.  

Assessment Revision Files by An Affinity with A

You can lead an angel fish to water, but .....

Picking up on what worked with their maths revision before, we agreed on a reward programme (angel fish need motivating, full stop!).  They're collecting Pokemon cards just now so, for each revision task completed they receive one Pokemon card (I prepared a separate schedule of what constitutes tasks for each subject based on what revision materials had been provided, e.g. reading, making notecards, watching videos, completing exercises, etc).  

So the scene was set.  I did worry at one point about the time taken to prepare ~ each extra day preparing was one less day available for revision ~ but having experienced their reaction, enthusiasm & willingness to engage (even unprompted) I'm thinking (as I already knew) that preparation was critical & time invested well!

I know I'm going to have to make revision as fun as possible.  Sitting them down with something to read (that they didn't necessarily want to read) would be a slow, painful &, in truth, pretty pointless process.  So, picking up on one aide memoire ~ to choose different rooms for different subjects ~ I took the already very visual food tech' revision & brought it to life a little more, setting them challenges to label the food processor, name the numbered kitchen tools, complete challenges on the blackboard, group things correctly, etc.  Here are some pics.

Original Materials

Kitchen Tools Revision by An Affinity with A

Flavour & Taste Revision by An Affinity with A

Original Materials

 

Egg Types Revision by An Affinity with A

Egg Age Revision by An Affinity with A

Original Materials

 

Food Processor Revision by An Affinity with A

And I'm so delighted with how they responded.  One angel fish announced "this isn't revision, this is fun" almost as if it couldn't possibly count as real revision if it wasn't "not fun" and another angel fish was beside himself with pride for having completed a task "before school even".  
They're actually looking forward to the next tasks...ish. 

Just one problem ~ they're not the only one who'll be working hard at revising!  I did attempt to "invite" another angel fish (with extreme avoidance tendencies) to help prepare some tasks (in the hope they too would absorb some learning ... & I would lighten my self-imposed load) but this angel fish is far too intelligent to be so easily duped & sussed my intentions immediately.

Well, it just goes to show, you can't win 'em all.

Now, we have some revising to do (no doubt leading to an even fuller article action tray)!

* As an aside about "empathy" : it's a popularly held belief that a key characteristic of being autistic is being devoid of empathy.  However, others ~ including autistics ~ would say autistic people can be extremely empathetic.  We can certainly feel unusually deeply & can experience extreme emotions.  So far, for me, courtesy of The Aspie Coach, this is the best succinct description of autistic empathy I've come across ... although I'm of the opinion it's easier for us to recognise others' feelings & emotions if we've felt them for ourselves:

Empathy Explained courtesy of The Aspie Coach via Pinterest

Autism is an explanation, not an excuse

Another recurring thought I felt compelled to capture.

I touched on autism being “an explanation, not an excuse” in my post Autism does not equal bad behaviour.

But it works both ways & by that I mean my autism does not excuse others’ bad behaviour either.

My autism is not a convenient excuse to exclude me.
My autism does not excuse others’ lack of accommodation.
My autism is not a reason to ignore or dismiss me.
My autism does not justify exploiting my vulnerabilities

I talk about my autism to help me overcome past difficulties & avoid them going forward ~ & for others like me.

I talk about my autism to recognise & promote my strengths ~ & those of others like me.

I talk about my autism to help you understand me because if you understand me you might accept me ~ & others like me ~ & you will know how to accommodate me ~ & others like me.

I talk about my autism in the hope that, together, we might achieve a better mutual understanding of each other & we might rub along together better, utilising each others’ strengths, supporting each others’ weaknesses, achieving more together ~ & others like us might do the same....  

So, in short, & to reiterate:

 "Autism is an explanation, not an excuse.

I tell you I'm Autistic
to help myself, not excuse myself.
I tell you I'm Autistic
to help you, not excuse you."

Autism is an explanation, not an excuse : An Affinity With A

Broken minds

I ruminate on this a lot, when I hear things like

"mind over matter”

“where there’s a will there’s a way”

“chin up”

 “be more resilient”

Not about me, specifically, because I think my mental health is in an OK place.  But for autistic people where acceptance, understanding & accommodation are lacking (assuming the autism has even been recognised in the first place), mental health issues can quickly arise.  Then, for them, and anyone suffering with poor mental health, this is what I want to say.

Broken Minds : An Affinity With A

A quote on neurodiversity ...

I've just started reading a Guide on Neurodiversity at Work, published this month by the Chartered Institute of Personnel & Development.  It looks like it will be an enlightening read.  It opens up with a quote from The Atlantic, written by Harvey Blume in 1998.

"Neurodiversity may be every bit as crucial for the human race as biodiversity is for life in general.  Who can say what form of wiring will be best at any given time."

Given current "unhelpful" coverage on autism in some parts of the media at the moment, I felt compelled to capture it & to share.

Thanks also to The Guardian who are currently actively inviting disabled people to apply to train as journalists.  

The more positive attitudes & approaches out there help me to set aside the less helpful. 

An Affinity with A

Autism does not equal bad behaviour

I was having another one of those conversations with myself (on this occasion in my head, rather than out loud).  I think it started with me pondering the surprise some people show on hearing of my, or others', autism diagnosis.  
It ended up with me needing to get this down.
(For important caveat, see end of post!)

I think the surprise comes when the person said to be autistic doesn't fit the autistic stereotype.  

But what's driving the stereotype?  
It made me think that, to the unknowing eye, autism is often only visible (to the point of being discussed) when behaviours arising from autism 
disrupt other people's day to day. 

In other words, many people's first known experience of autism is likely to be as an explanation for disruptive, adverse or bad behaviour (because that's what draws their attention to the person & then the condition).

Ergo, autism must equal bad behaviour.  
And if you're not bad, you can't be autistic.

But autism does not equal bad behaviour.
Nowhere in the diagnostic criteria for autism is a requisite feature "bad behaviour".  And, to my knowledge, no-one has been refused a diagnosis due to a lack of "bad behaviour"!

Rather, across a range of diagnostic manuals, it is widely recognised that a diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder (or ASD) is reliant on a demonstration of persistent difficulties with:

~ Reciprocal social interactions,

~ Social communication & of a

~ Restrictive, repetitive repertoire of behaviours, interests &              activities (including sensory issues & behaviours)

This triad of "impairments", or differences, combine to explain a range of "different" behaviours that may actually go unnoticed, are less disruptive (if at all) or are simply dismissed as being part of someone’s character ~ like them or not.  In fact, desperate to please, to blend in & prone to needing rules ~ and to follow them ~ some autistic people may be the quietest & best behaved people in the room! 

So it's important to understand that the behaviours autistic people exhibit (whatever they may be) are merely the outward manifestation of their condition; of coping (or not) with the difficulties they're having with social interactions, social communication, an inability to engage in their repetitive interest or as a result of sensory issues.

And what happens whey they can cope no longer?

Some may withdraw, not speak, freeze with fear.  
People may think they're overly shy or nervous, maybe.

Others may run away, or flee with fear.
People may think they're weak or spoilt or lacking resilience, maybe.

And others may lash out, or fight with fear.
People may think they're naughty & badly parented, maybe.

Which scenario is most likely to generate enquiry, discussion, a discovery that person is autistic?  
And so the stereotype is further fuelled.

However, all 3 behaviours are a sign that they're in crisis, scared, overwhelmed, in need of help.  They're not seeking attention or wilfully being mean or difficult.

"Bad" behaviour is not acceptable, that's true.  But to address any "limiting" behaviour appropriately requires an understanding of the cause.  And when we say, this is happening because of the autism, we are not using autism as an excuse but as an explanation.  Autism describes the condition that may lead to standout or limiting behaviours, sometimes "bad", often not.

And whether autism is contributing to the behaviour equation, or not, I would urge everyone to always think about what lies behind, or beneath, the behaviour of others.  

They just may need your help.

Me?  I was (am) a "good girl" ... but that's another story!

Image from Nathan Michael on Instagram via Tumblr & Pinterest

Finally, a caveat (or get out clause): I may well have interpreted the surprise of others completely wrongly ~ interpreting hidden meanings & facial expressions is part of that whole "social interaction" and "social communication" conundrum us #AlsoAutistic people struggle with ... but I do think my thinking remains valid ... and I do know that sometimes, being super sensitive & observant, I can also be surprisingly astute!

Castles and Quiches

I was filled with dread as more of my angel fish transitioned from the safety of their petting zoo to a nearby animal sanctuary last September.

It’s not an aquarium just for angel fish, or even a pond or a lake for all fish.  And it’s not a safari park or zoo.  (I know because I've visited them all!)  But there are squirrels & a myriad of species welcome at this particular animal sanctuary.

I was filled with dread because moving from a petting zoo to an animal sanctuary can be disproportionately unsettling for angel fish.  Changes & surprises are particularly scary & anxiety inducing to angel fish.  And all that moving around from pen to tank, getting to know all those new animal handlers & all those new rules, mixing with the big fish, big squirrels & other big species, learning to be more independent ... well, it's really hard work, keeping it all together AND learning at the same time!

But this particular animal sanctuary is a hidden gem of a place, in my opinion.  Caring & talented animal handlers guide, teach & encourage the angel fish, squirrels & other species lucky enough to be there, in my opinion.

For angel fish, it’s particularly challenging.  Mistakes are made.   But they are helped to move on from these mistakes.  Everyone works together, with genuine concern & interest, to learn from these mistakes ~ to understand the underlying cause & to try to prevent a reoccurrence.  Not all angel fish are so fortunate.  Not all angel fish find themselves in places where their angel fish ways are understood & supported.  When they are, their confidence & self-belief reignites & grows.  

And this has been evidenced by some truly joyous moments recently ~ so much so I could have swum with the salmon & danced with the dolphins!

I cannot describe the relief & sheer joy of hearing one angel fish say "let's list all the things I'm good at" (angel fish can often think they’re pretty “useless” even when presented with evidence to the contrary) ... of witnessing another angel fish deciding to have a go at something new ~ something they didn't have to do but wanted to do (angel fish often avoid trying new things, fearful of failure, of not being good enough, of not being perfect or looking foolish) ... of seeing your angel fish swim home with head held high, proud of what they've made (curtain walled castles & quiches to name but two) ... of hearing your angel fish pronounce “it’s like you always say mum: if you do what you love, you’ll love what you do” (my long standing, non original mantra).  A mantra that is particularly pertinent to angel fish who can often find it difficult to engage.  It’s why it’s so important to help them find things they enjoy & to use those interests to connect, to engage with other "less appealing" but often necessary activities.

So, while I worried that the animal sanctuary might be too much for these angel fish, currently they are actually benefitting from the wider range of activities on offer & from what seems to be a standardised approach to fun, adapted lesson plans, making those activities more accessible (more angel fish friendly &, actually, still friendly & accessible to all species). 

And we are amassing content for their achievement books (started at a time when self-esteem was low to evidence ability, evidence the good days, evidence the “can dos”, evidence their talents).

I know we're not out of the woods yet ... nor would we want to be as, one day, these little angel fish will be big angel fish & they will need to know how to survive in the wild, wild woods ... in the great lakes, the deep blue seas & the rolling plains.

But I'm feeling hopeful.  

And I'm feeling thankful that these angel fish attend an animal sanctuary that seems to be a good fit for them ... & for me.

Curtain Walled Castle by An Affinity with A

Actually Also Autistic

So, here goes.  I am no longer an autism amateur.  Instead, it seems, I have much more of an affinity with autism than I first thought.  So much so, in fact, that I might even venture to claim I’m a bit of an autism expert, actually!

Because I’m actually also autistic.*

So diagnosed the clinical psychologist I spent several hours talking with one sunny day last September.

It’s one reason I’ve been a bit quiet here.  Not because I’m bothered by the diagnosis, or unsure of speaking about it; just because, this being the case, I want to write any future posts with the open acknowledgement that I really am speaking from a position of authority ~ at times from personal experience ~ rather than simply as a relative & observer of others.  And to mark the transition from observer to participant, I felt I needed to write this post first &, for that, I wanted to be in receipt of my final, physical diagnosis report which arrived in December.

A bit of an early Christmas present to myself, actually, as with diagnosis came insight, understanding & acceptance.  Not that it was a surprise to me.  The more I'd been learning about autism the more I was recognising myself & the more true my acknowledged “affinity with a” became!

Why bother with a diagnosis & why share?

Well, if I'm to continue advocating for a better understanding, acceptance & accommodation of autism, I'd much prefer to do so from a place of truth, based on fact, with clear authority.

Also, the personal benefits of diagnosis are huge & I share these in case anyone I know is asking as well as for the benefit of anyone else considering any kind of assessment of their own.

First, in short, for me, it explains everything!

In some ways I wish I'd known long before now.  It could have saved much pain & heartache ~ forewarned would have been forearmed, for sure!  But dwelling in the past is only helpful if it can make a positive difference to the future.

Herein lies a second, unexpected benefit: I can forgive myself for situations I now see arose from me operating differently.  I'm not to blame ~ I simply wasn't programmed to see the risk, interpret or assess the situation accurately.  I can stop beating myself up, use this new perspective to prepare my children & move on.

Third, I can plan for a more appropriate future, fully informed about how I operate, what I need ... & what I don’t need ... my weaknesses & my strengths.

Last, the biggest win is being able to empathise with angel fish.  Their realisation that I really do “get them”  generated a range of positive responses, from coy smiles to cheers & huge hugs.

But how come it hasn't been a problem for me?  Well, for one, times have changed rather a lot since I was their age.  And, actually, it has been a problem.  There have been lots of problems but they just weren't necessarily visible or obvious.  My diagnosis report states:

"... core difficulties ... not easily observed from the outside due to her incredible ability to mask .... She has worked extremely hard over the years to master skills & to learn & apply rules to enable her to survive the social world & to function as effectively as she does.  She is intellectually competent, verbally articulate, has perfectionistic tendencies & has strengths in noticing detail, all of which have helped her enormously in learning to mask successfully by developing compensatory strategies.  ... testament to her incredible resilience & resourcefulness."

Therein lie some talents!  I am happy with my diagnosis.  I am happy to be me.  I AM autistic.  Autism is my super power (I will credit whoever said this first when I find out who it was!) & I intend to use it!  I've shown myself to be a great observer & strategist & have super strong senses!

I've a lot, LOT more I could say on the subject but I'll wrap up for now!  I'm still experiencing many lightbulb moments about past events, conversations, experiences that I now see differently & "get", or at least wonder about.  If I've made you wonder about anything, please feel free to ask ~ I'd be more than happy to share my thoughts.

Meanwhile ... and please know this is said with kindness & comes from a place of self-preservation rather than challenge ... how you respond to this post says more about you than it does about me! (Another credit owing here.)

Finally, despite the challenges the current world presents, I can honestly say I'm so very proud of our autism rich family.

Selfie

 * I've chosen my words carefully as #ActuallyAutistic is a phrase used by many autistic commentators to join together.  I've previously interpreted #ActuallyAutistic as a bit challenging & a bit excluding of non-autistic commentators ... a bit "what gives you the right to speak on our behalf when we actually know what it's like to be autistic"?  But while writing this article, I realise the world "actually" is defined as both a "statement of truth" & as a "statement of surprise" (& I've used both in this post).  So now I don't know which was intended by the #ActuallyAutistic tag.  But, in pursuit of clarity, I think I'll make a stand for using #AlsoAutistic as a more inclusive, non-excluding term.  Because I believe there are many valid voices (autistic & non) that can come together to create volume & create change quicker.